A CLINGY WIFE IS NOT AN ASSET IN A DEACON'S LIFE

The Do’s and Don’ts of a Deacon’s Wife

A CLINGY WIFE IS NOT AN ASSET IN A DEACON’S LIFE

By Ellen Mongan

Luke 14:26-7 “If any one comes to me without hating his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.”

The journey to my husband’s Ordination, Patrick and I took hand in hand.  It was like being on a honeymoon only I had already birthed all 8 of our children. We grew spiritually in oneness in a way we never had grown before.  Pat’s formation took place in the Savannah Diocese, in a small town called Dublin, Georgia.  The diaconate program included the option of receiving a masters degree came from St. Leo University, located north of Tampa, Florida. The program required one weekend a month together for study with the other candidates and their wives. To me it was just what the doctor ordered for parents of such a large family—alone time as a couple.  My husband, a Family Medicine Physician, could not have given us a better prescription if he had written it himself.  We both looked forward to the three hour car ride which we used to have a quality conversation.  The teachings during the weekend gave us the opportunity to grow in the same direction spiritually in our Catholic faith. The other couples on the road to ordination became a positive support. We all enjoyed the healthy discussion around the material provided. The alone time together was a bonus, like a second honeymoon.

When Pat and I walked down the aisle on our wedding day to say our “I do’s” to each other, our lives changed forever.  This new journey was taking us to another “I do” as a couple, to each other and to God in a different, more mature way.  This was a call like the early disciples were given to give up all and follow Jesus.  It was a call we both heard, a call to surrender.

On May 1, 2008 the journey was complete. Patrick was ordained a Permanent Deacon in the Catholic Church. The journey with Deacon Pat had begun, and just like on our wedding day we did not know where it would take us.  As we ventured out into unknown territory, I was overjoyed.  We had both surrendered our lives to God and His Church.  After the ordination I remember saying to a friend, “I pray that Pat will tithes 10% of his time to the family and to me.”  I did not think it would be a problem because Pat always put us ahead of his medical career.

Pat’s first assignment was at our home church, The Church of the Most Holy Trinity.  We had been at this church for over twenty years, and all of our children had received their sacraments at Most Holy Trinity; indeed home for us.  Patrick began to feel called into fulltime ministry.  We waited a year until our last child graduated high school and then Pat retired from medicine.  Soon, we were on our way to Macon, Georgia where Pat accepted a position as Pastoral Assistant.  We said our goodbyes to lifelong friends, and family members.  It was bitter sweet since we had called Augusta, Georgia home since 1980.  This scripture became a reality in our live as we left all, home, mother, brother to follow Jesus.

This journey and our “YES” to Jesus in unison was the “ I Do” of this deacon’s wife.   However, the “don’t” hidden in my heart soon became evident!  I, the adventurer, could not wait to make new friends, start new ministries and built St. Joseph’s Church. God’s grace was sufficient and all that happened quickly and without a glitch. What I was not ready for was the words God spoke to my heart, “Your time is not your own.”  God’s still small voice was so quiet that I failed to hear Him add, “Your husband is not your own.  I have called him by name and he is mine. I have a work for him to do.”  Even though I did not hear God speak those words, they came to pass because they were true.  While at St. Joseph’s Church, Pat embraced the people and the calling to ministry.  Most of all Patrick embraced God with his whole heart.

I was shocked that Pat embraced fulltime ministry with such ease and commitment. It was I, the cradle Catholic, the daily communicant, the one who was zealous for the faith who held back. God says, “I make all things new” and I was clinging to the old.  Not only was I clinging to the old life, but to Pat. I became resentful about not having time with him or the family, who lived all around the country.  After much prayer and many tears, Pat and I compromised.  I said, “If this is really what you want, let’s move near one of the children. Then if you are busy with Church commitments I will not be left all alone.”  It was the perfect solution!

 The road back to normal life for this deacon and his wife,  has had it's twists and turns, detours and desert experiences. Finally we  have moved back home to Augusta, Georgia. Although, we now are again embarking on new territory. in the ministry yet again. Deacon Pat is assigned to St. Mary's Help of Christian Church in Aiken, South Carolina. We are enjoying meeting new people in Aiken. We are thankful that St. Mary's is my moms parish. However it is nice to live in Georgia, where we have reconnected with family and friends. I guess you could say, we have the best of both worlds.

 Many years ago, as  a new deacon's wife,  I went to a priest, about my dilemma. He was able to give me wise counsel. He said, “One of the crosses you bear as a deacon’s wife is sharing your husband with the whole church.” I said, “Now I know firsthand why priests are not married.”  I have learned thru my years in ministry, that clinging to the old ways left no room for God to make all things new.  God was serious when He said, Luke 14:26-7 “If any one comes to me without hating his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.”  I have learned to pray for Pat daily and not to ask a lot of questions.  I have spent more time building family. I have taken on full time ministries of my own.  I have let “Go” and let “God!”  I have learned not to smother my brother. Most of all I have learned in a deacon’s life, don’t be a clingy wife!